 Nanhai and Guangzhou - March through June 2002 Welcome to the virtual tour of Nanhai. Let's start with my building. My apartment is the one on the bottom left. 
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 Views from my apartment, looking to the southeast . . .
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 . . . the southwest . . .
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 . . . and the northwest.
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 My fourth floor view is obstructed by a building. This would be (something like) my view if that wasn't the case.
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 My office (balcony).
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 My apartment's sitting room. Long Live Chairman Mao!
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 This is where the magic happens.
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. . . My bathroom, mid-construction and finished. Notice thatin both of these shots, I have my finger over the lens. I am an excellent photographer, yeah, excellent photographer. Wapner sucks.
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 And finally, the kitchen. It's pretty small and I have to bend over to use anything in the place, but it ain't bad.
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 Studies show that the roaches prefer Raid brand roach bait to bread crumbs in taste tests two to one!
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 Morning exercise is five minutes of jumping around like a schizo twice a day that does absolutely nothing for your health.
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 Every monday at 9:10 the students assemble for the flag ceremony. They told me they didn't like to do it. I asked them what the penalty for missing it was and they didn't know. They don't break enough rules over here.
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 Almost two thousand college students try to get lunch from ten open windows in a fifteen minute span of time.
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 OK, kids! What do you wnat for lunch today? Rice or . . . rice?
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 I've got this hog up to about 80 Kph. If I didn't have this thing, my life here would be completely different, and it wouldn't be a change for the better.
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 No, I haven't heard the one about mopeds and fat girls, jackass.
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 This guy did the most thorough job patching my tire, and then the shit went down.
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 Rollin, in my 5.0 with the rag top down so my hair can blow . . . Wait a sec, I'm riding a moped, I have a helmet on, and that song is cliche.
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 Katie makes a terrifying monster.
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 Her day job is definding the planet as a space ninja.
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 Pardon me; do I have something in my teeth?
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 Count the human-rights violations in this picture.
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 A real Chinese sweatshop. When I first heard this word in fourth grade or so, the pictures I conjured up always had everyone garbed in sweatpants and sweatshirts. None of that in the real thing.
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 The USDA would have a field day at this place.
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 I just keep thinking to myself ". . .as long as I cook it thoroughly . . ."
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 I got my picture taken with a cople of Foshan prostitutes. This shot was gonna be good but the stupid ho had her finger halfway across the lens.
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 Here we see a John getting what for from a bunch of whoooas.
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 They said taking pictures of Chinese cemeteries is bad luck. I think I did almost get hit by a taxi the day I took this picture, but aside from that, I'm doing fine.
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 Some of my students have never seen cemeteries. As you can see here, they're just like the rest of China; they fit as many people as they can into a ridiculously small space, and then pollute the shit out of the place.
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 These cranes are HUGE. They're about 300 feet tall.
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 There was a white guy with a GSI jumpsuit on and I decided to ask him how to see these cranes. He said, "Just walk in as if you own the place and no one will care." I find that works a lot in China if you're white
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 Labor is cheap here. That woman is hauling that cart full of sand to some place down the road which is about three hundred yards away.
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 This place probably cost about $20,000 USD to build, but the rent's cheap!
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 This is the "Porcelain Chip" (tile) capital of China. Those boats are carrying sand to create the stuff. I live in a very industrial part of China. People around where I live are the richest people in China.
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 Just some dingy street of the town where I bought my moped. To the right, there was this dirty old woman with her ass hanging out just walking in circles. I didn't ask.
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 Just some road. It looks really Chinese . . . I don't know, it's just how I pictured it to look. I bet if I rotated it 20 degrees in Photoshop it would look cooler . . .
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 See, if this picture wasn't tilted, it would just look like a regular road, but it's tilted see? It's all crazy and stuff.
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 I don't know why, but I really like this picture.
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 And this one. This is what a lot of more suburban areas surrounding me look like.
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 Foshan's version of the eiffel tower.
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 The Dali exhibit at the Guangdong Museum of Art was a couple of his sculptures and a bunch of LITHOGRAPHS. Didn't even have a lithograph of Persistence of Memory.
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 OK, I understand the concept of SUVs, but this is just overkill.
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 Chinese guys in the park getting their Mah Jongg on.
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 This girl and her friend bought me ice cream and showed me this cool park, which was nice. Then she started spitting all over the place, which is a total dealbreaker.
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 That's right. Who's your daddy.
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 Buggin out major with my homiez.
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 Your friendly neighborhood streetside dentist's office. Looks sanitary!
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 I estimated that there were almost three thousand bikes under this canopy. It's the parking garage for a secondary level boarding school. There are a lot of people in China.
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 Chickon.
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 I like to think that I'm really not that far away from this guy in spirit.
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 Oh yes. The Steak King.
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 Strong Man Condom. Buy now. You will have many sex with blonde woman look on box.
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 That's a rice cooker in the center of the picture, and that's a fat kid who is very pleased. The moral of the story: If any of this kid's friends ever saw this ad, they'd waste no time kicking the living shit out of him.
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 HOLY SHIT, SCOOB! That's like the HUGEST TREE I ever saw!
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 I live twenty minutes from the nicest Pizza Hut on the face of the earth. One of my friends said last week "You know, pizza is expensive here . . ." It's funny 'cause it's true.
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 The banner at the top of the picture says "Red White man uses Flying Dragon style to defend honor of big yellow M."
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 WHO WANTS SOME ICE CREAM!?
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Nothin left to see here. Jump back on The D! 
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