Friday, January 31, 2003


 

Last week at about this time I was dancing with some chick named Diane at the Bulgarian house of foriegn music, or whatever the place was called. She knew who I was but I didn't realize I'd seen her before until I'd left the club. I couldn't figure out who she was, but one of you guys would have to know, so I need some help. The girl was about 5'6" with straight blonde hair and a really big mouth. I've been racking my brain all week and still don't have a clue about where she could be from. I'm thinking Sage or RPI, but really, I'm freakin stumped. Thoughts?


8:25 PM . . .



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Sonny, I'm tellin' ya. Kids these days got it easy compared to what we had. Way too easy.

-Credit Rachel


8:19 PM . . .



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This is the best one yet. We also have some news from E! I was at Wal*Mart today and I noticed that they were selling some Olsen Twins beauty appliances . . . those girls are really hiring the right people to do their marketing.


1:25 PM . . .



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I knew soldiers; soldiers were friends of mine, and you, sir, are no soldier.


1:04 PM . . .



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I get back to my computer this morning, and someone has left this message on my computer regarding my resume:

Someone: Ok, so I am looking at your resume
Someone: And dude, you cannot mix "dean's list" with "fantasy sports leagues"
Someone: It's just not cricket, baby
Someone: If they want to know about your personal life, they'll ask you
Someone: But a fantasy sports league doesn't so much make you look cool
Someone: And everyone donates blood
What do you guys think?


6:47 AM . . .



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Thursday, January 30, 2003


 

Damn. Are the Olsen twins going to come after me now? If you're listening Ashley or Mary Kate, I welcome all legal action wholeheartedly.

The Rensselaer OT hoax was by far the most flattering of all the articles, for sure. I mean, I gave them both 1600s on their SATs and admitted them to a world-class program at a nationally accredited school. Other people insinuated that they were going to the University of Ohio at Dayton for their business school. The University of Ohio at Dayton for their BUSINESS SCHOOL. I mean, come on, what's more believable: that they both got 1600s or they're going to University of Ohio because of its BUSINESS school. Well . . . OK . . . but I digress.

You're usually supposed to digress to something; at least back to your original point, but I gots nothin.


8:22 PM . . .



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Total low-brow humor . . . Wait for it . . .

Wait FOR IT . . .

NOW!


3:48 PM . . .



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The Olsen Spoof Archive:

Nanotech News @ Nanodot.org
Dayton 1, Dayton 2,Dayton 3
From across the pond
Penn State
Rochester Institute of Technology
University of Maryland
Texas A&M 1, Texas A&M 2
University of Miami (OH)
More to come as the story unfolds!


7:07 AM . . .



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Wednesday, January 29, 2003


 

I'm out of a job in a couple weeks and I want to find a fun marketing position to fill with Hagan-ness. Please check out my resume. I'm looking for a fun, exciting envrionment to showcase my intuition and creativity. Thanks for all your help!


11:21 AM . . .



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May I state, for the record, that I have nothing to do with Clarkson, besides beating them sensless in every lacrosse game I ever met them in.

Yee Haw!

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!!!


10:24 AM . . .



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Tuesday, January 28, 2003


 

The Olsen Twins hoax.


11:28 AM . . .



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Boycott WJLA and Allbritton Communications! Until they start showing Jimmy Kimmel Live, I will be boycotting ABC in my area. Join the boycott now!


7:48 AM . . .



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Monday, January 27, 2003


 

The Bubb Rubb music video. Don't forget the Unofficial Bubb Rubb Website. Or some other bubb rubb website . . . Why hasn't this hit fark.com yet?


5:05 PM . . .



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Sunday, January 26, 2003


 

The Ballad of Bubb Rubb.


8:28 PM . . .



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Friday, January 24, 2003


 

Bubb Rubb immortalized in GIF format. Woo WOOOOO!


8:57 AM . . .



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The reason why I love this guy and the reason I'll never have him on my fantasy team again. Shannon Sharpe looks like a horse! HA!


6:21 AM . . .



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Wednesday, January 22, 2003


 

Blounp (9:23:38 PM): I could afford going to Australia and studying for a year in my current situation


6:19 PM . . .



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OK, find this song and listen to it:

Kings of Convenience, Royksopp Remix - "I Don't Know What I Can Save You From"
It was on Six Feet Under in Brenda's house for a second. I thought it was a great use of the song since it reflected their relationship at the time.

I sound like a freakin' camgirl.

Download the song. You'll love it.


2:10 PM . . .



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Woo WOOOOOO is dat woo WOOO! Knowhamsayin? Then you got the flows man; you trick out the flows man?

Bubb Rubb and Lil' Sis were proud to show it off.


10:41 AM . . .



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Check out the wildly erotic story on cloned pussy:

"There are millions of cats in shelters and with rescue groups that need homes, and the last thing we need is a new production strategy for cats."
The story also goes on to make the point that you can teach a cloned dog new tricks.


7:20 AM . . .



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Is this a compliment or something else? I can't decide:

Mary : Anyway, on Meet My Folks, they had ex-boyfriends come on
Mary : And they were all saying mean stuff
Mary : So I figured, out of all my ex-boyfriends, you would probably be the only one who would go on the show . . .
Mary : So don't embarrass me.


5:03 AM . . .



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Tuesday, January 21, 2003


 

I got this book at the library that is about being an adult coping with Attention Deficit Disorder. It's 285 pages long.


7:38 PM . . .



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February seventh very well may be my last day at GXS.


7:34 PM . . .



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Monday, January 20, 2003


 

I received this letter today. I don't give to enough good causes, so I'm adding one to the list. In reading this, it touched me when I started thinking of the days, months, and years of time that her mother and father stayed by her side in the hospital waiting room, giving their dying daughter all their support. It seems like a simple wish that the rest of the families that fight alongside their loved ones should grieve in a more forgiving atmosphere.

Here is that letter:

For some of you, this may seem like it's coming out of the blue since I haven't spoken to you in a while. Many others already know about the situation and probably don't need to be asked. To keep a long story short, my ex-girlfriend from college passed away last weekend (1/11/03). She just turned 27 and recently lost her battle with leukemia after almost four years.

One of her last wishes was to fully renovate the family waiting room in the bone marrow transplant wing of the hospital where she received treatment, since it could really use it. Her family has set up a fund in her name to achieve this goal. The favor I wanted to ask of everyone would be to make a small donation to this fund. Now, I am not going to dictate how much everyone should give, nor do I need to know whether or not you make a contribution. Please take it upon yourself and make a contribution as you see fit. I am merely just trying to reach out to as many people as possible. I realize that many of you never had the good fortune to have met her, but I know that she and her family would greatly appreciate whatever gesture you would be able to make.

Should you choose to contribute, you may make the check out to THE JULIE FREZON MEMORIAL FUND and direct it to the following address:

RE: JULIE FREZON MEMORIAL FUND
TROY SAVINGS BANK
615 COLUMBIA TURNPIKE
EAST GREENBUSH, NY 12061
If you are interested, this is her obituary.

She had so many great qualities. During her battle, she never wanted sympathy, and she'd ignore you if you ever tried to give her any. She never wanted to be the center of attention - she was so selfless. Again, whatever you can give would be greatly appreciated.

Joe Pinheiro


7:50 PM . . .



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Saturday, January 18, 2003


 

New Poll! When I was making this one, I was sitting at my computer trying to sing the each of the songs in a Biz Markie voice . . . I got to "I made it th-" in Like A Virgin before I cracked up due to the fact that A) I couldn't do a Biz Markie voice and 2) Just thinking of Biz Markie singing Like A Virgin should be enough to make anyone laugh. I'm not voting on this one; I can't decide if any one of them has any more comedic value than another.


6:55 PM . . .



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The White Ninja is a funny babysitter.


2:55 PM . . .



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I laughed when I saw this and then I felt sad for myself since I could laugh at something that came from this.


12:38 PM . . .



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Friday, January 17, 2003


 

Man is one step closer to being God.


4:33 AM . . .



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Thursday, January 16, 2003


 

Me : I saw Sal out on Saturday and I was like
Me : CONGRATUALTIONS!
Me : He's like, "Uhh . . . I'm not Smitty"
Curt : Shut up
Curt : Bwahahahah!
Me : I blamed it on being trashed, which I wasn't


9:02 AM . . .



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In a recent string of e-mails about our Survivor friend, we recount ye olde fraternity life:

DJ stumbles into his room to find a BOMed Burn comatose on his couch.
"Silly fuzzy Burn" he muttered to himself as he slipped into his cave for three drunken hours of sleep before climbing Everest the very next day . . . barefoot.
A little while later, DJ is awakened by the sounds of running water in his cave. A water leak perhaps? Nay. 'Twas the fuzzy Burn relieving himself 'out the window' behind the headwall of DJ's cave - which would have been a great idea, if he had actually opened the window.
Credit GFunk


5:44 AM . . .



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Wednesday, January 15, 2003


 

OK, I gotta know. What did you guys think of the plot twist on 24. I'm gettin' totally geeked for this shit! Now they're making me wait three weeks for the next one? OMG?!?!?!?! WTF!?!?!?!?!?


3:01 PM . . .



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Tuesday, January 14, 2003


 

And a new car? Perhaps this pretty little lady will be replacing my NUTZ soon.


10:14 AM . . .



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New Poll!


6:21 AM . . .



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Monday, January 13, 2003


 

One of the brothers in my pledge class of my fraternity at Sigma . . . Alpha . . . Epsilon is in the next Survivor. He's a rocket scientist with bad hygiene.


6:17 AM . . .



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Friday, January 10, 2003


 

Oh my God. MC Hammer and Webster sharing a room, and Hammer's got the top bunk. Washed-up celebrities star in the new must see TV of the season.


2:36 PM . . .



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Thursday, January 09, 2003


 

Speaking of Shaolin Soccer, you know where I'll be on April eleventh!


4:11 PM . . .



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OK, this is the second link in a row that I'm posting from the new Geisha site that I added to the list of my daily visits; now it's your turn. Go there every day to see all the hilariousness that the Eastern world has to offer (and pick up a copy of Shaolin Soccer while you're at it).


4:10 PM . . .



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Wednesday, January 08, 2003


 

Wha?


8:51 PM . . .



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New high school sports.


2:19 PM . . .



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Tuesday, January 07, 2003


 



My good friend J. Smith has alerted me to the many faces of Hagan. Those of you who have been lucky enough to experience one of the many iterations of Hagan must have a favorite Hagan moment; so which one is it? Could it be . . .

An aspiring artist comissioned by the Australian Government?
US News and World report's new #1 B-School?
Principal Hagan of Bayside HS?
Kunta Hagan?
The essence of Hagan?
Cleveland's favorite dart champion?
Well?


5:58 PM . . .



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Monday, January 06, 2003


 

How to write like a wanker . . . im pretty good at most of these rule's . . . but occationally i use the ellipsis to much.


4:44 AM . . .



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Sunday, January 05, 2003


 

Yesterday, my 25 year-old roomate asked me how to peel an orange.


11:41 AM . . .



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I think the funniest thing about Saturday night was the role of Burberry in my altercations.

After a quick stop to pick up a ticket, I met my friend Tami in Adams Morgan since he was slated to relocate to New York City today and I surely was not going to miss a night on the town on the eve of his last day in D.C. I met him at about 1:15 at The Brass Monkey and the place was packed to the point of agony. It started getting more comfortable as people filtered out to attend their after-hours functions, and I started talking to a Russian-Polish-English girl named Kate. Kate noticed a scarf on some girl's neck and said to me, "Is it just me or is that scarf advertising the fact that she has no personal sense of style?"

OF COURSE, I agreed and started commenting on how pervasive Burberry was; that added to the fact that it was probably a knock-off. As I was saying this, a marine that had talked to Kate at a different bar earlier walked up beside me and pointed at the scarf and said loudly "THAT girl? Is THAT the girl you're talking about?" Almost immediately, the marine's wife was there demanding that he stop his childishness.

"He listens to me," she said, "Stop this and let's go, NOW."

"Go ahead, listen to her," I said, "I don't need to start with you. Besides, I'm just playin' with ya."

That was it. He pushed me against the bar and was grabbed and escorted away by bouncers, his marine friends trailing. It was a few minutes to closing time, and we were heading out when a member of the corps (the corps, and the corps) came back inside and accused me of calling his wife a whore, which I regretfully refuted as I pushed past to go outside.

As soon as Kate and I were out of the bar, we were separated, and I was the center of attention. Some people were telling me to go, marines were telling me that they'd avenge the whore wife comment, and people were trying to keep a some other bald, drunk marine away from me since he seemed to want to hit me, and succeeded in that endeavor twice. They were nice, soft, mommy punches, so I was fine with the fact that I didn't get any good whacks in on him when he decided he'd finished his job and had away with himself.

As I was trying to sort things out with the marine with the whore of a wife, the guy who hit me came back and started pushing the other marines away and defending me! Tami made me apologize for something I never said in the interest of putting the whole thing to bed, and then tried to lure the bald guy along with us into a back alley by offering him a slice of pizza. We never got him to come with us.

That's it. What did I learn? That you can't gauge a whole division of the military by the performance of a select few of it's most classless individuals after they've been drinking. But you have to admit, when you go to a bar and a bunch of hotheaded marines are out lying to their friends in order to rile them up and start something with a civilian, you can't help but think that some of the lives our country puts out there in the name of freedom are expendable.

It's a sad state of affairs when someone even thinks this, much less has the stugots to write it in a public forum. If this guy was a GE employee, would I have said something about how GE integrity and values only go so far? No, but the employees of General Electric aren't the stewards of American values; values that I trust our armed services to uphold, and were not emulated by the few and the proud that I met last night.


10:04 AM . . .



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Saturday, January 04, 2003


 

Have you ever heard the saying that, "If you don't have a favorite child then you don't know them well enough?" Now that you have, I think that that quote is applicable to a situation that I recently found myself in. I was spending quite a bit of time in a certain place and was blind to the rest of my options. I didn't know what kind of amenities these other locations could provide to me, I didn't know what kind of comfort and peace they offered, until I branched out and found my true place in life:

The stall to the right.

The fat guy's shoes were under the door of my stall, so I left to wait the guy out, ventured back in and tired something different. And you know what? I've never been happier. This one's got better lighting, the TP isn't locked into one of those spin-retardant ovular roll things, there's a shelf to put your drink in, and if you're drinking out of a regular coffee cup, there's a hole in the shelf to set it in! They thought of EVERYTHING! I thought I had it all figured out before, but I was sorely mistaken when I realized that I didn't know my bathroom well enough.

My advice to you is to get to know your bathroom. You'll thank me for it.


10:48 AM . . .



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Thanks for ridin' the