Sunday, August 31, 2003
Yes, I am watching TNT right now


I have to say the most grotesque vicarious action in a movie has to be the part in Seven where they show the picture of the strap-on. That is all.

Posted By Hagan

6:33 PM . . .

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Friday, August 29, 2003


Posted By (insert name here)

5:55 AM . . .

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So did anybody watch the VMA's last night? I didn't, and I know I should hang my head in shame. whatever. Anyways I heard they were pretty good, you wanna know how good. Good enough for Britney Spears to kiss Madonna. Bullshit you say,check this out
I know it's yahoo's news page, but this is more than just news dudes; this is stuff dreams are made of. So sit back and enjoy.

Posted By nata

5:54 AM . . .

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Thursday, August 28, 2003
Worst Bathroom Experience...Ever


Ok, probably not "ever"...but I'm still pretty emotional about it all.

10 minutes ago I was a normal man, a man that enjoys football, beer, and the occasional shit at the workplace - nothing better than getting paid for it. But now, I am a shell of my former self...but I'm getting ahead, let me take you back:

10 minutes ago

I had just settled in on the downstairs toilet, ready to waste some time & take care of business.

4 minutes ago

Dude walks in to use the urinal, no big deal, I've already taken care of business, now I'm just thinking about all the other things I'd rather do than go back to my desk.

2 minutes ago

Dude washes his hands, don't really notice at the time, but trust me he does.

1 minute ago

THUMP - What the hell was that...did I just get hit by a wet paper towel? Holy Shit! I did...this guy just threw a wet paper towel over the side!


I can't get up, I can't go out an confront him so I do the next best thing - "What the Fuck!!" - hoping for an apology, hoping for anything...and then it happened - THUMP - another one!!! The sheer audacity, the arrogance! Now I AM getting up, not even going to pull up the pants, but the door slams, and like a thief in the night...he's gone.

Can I ever go back into that bathroom? He's defiled my sanctuary, if a man isn't safe when he's talking a dump when is he safe?

The horror...the horror


11:16 AM . . .

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Lazy Pigs


The five-oh set up a speed trap on the parkway near my house this morning, doing their best to meet their quota for August.

The Montgomery County Police Department: Helping protect the community from dangerous speeders towards the end of each month.

Posted By Hagan

5:48 AM . . .

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Tuesday, August 26, 2003
Comments on the Wedding?


Obviously this is going to be a good comment string. Anyone have anything to add? I was feeling a little depressed earlier when I got home since everything was so beautiful, and now I am back to my regular average life. I need to get back to that lifestyle and I need to do it quickly.

Posted By Hagan

8:17 AM . . .

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Wednesday, August 20, 2003


So I can't figure out if this bonsai kitten thing is real or not, but these are definitely pictures of a cat being molded into the shape of a glass box and those are definitely the visa and mastercard logos, so I am inclined to think it is. I'm all for shooting kittens with bb guns, lighting kittens on fire, kicking the kitten, and even mopping the floor with kittens, but this disturbed me.

If anybody is brave enough to email the webmaster to see the elusive white kitten page I am curious to know the results

Posted By scottigee

8:15 AM . . .

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Thursday, August 14, 2003
And . . . and . . . and TWINS!


The continuing saga of the Olsen Twins.

Posted by Guhhhhhhh

7:19 PM . . .

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Wednesday, August 13, 2003


poor ted.. A word to his family, LET HIM GO MAN! So if you plan to bring him back to life, how are you gonna do that with his head separated from his body. I think his kids watched too much Futurama.
Talk about shoddy work, ten accidental cracks in his skull.

Did you guys know the average human head weighs eight pounds.

Posted By nata

1:04 PM . . .

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Monday, August 11, 2003


Did you know that Texas law allows weddings where one of the two parties getting married is not there? I wonder what moment in Texas' glorious history yielded that fine legal specimen. You would think that if two people are getting married they could wait until the other was around before doing it. This law seems to encourage marriages when you're in a rush, or when you just need to get married before your spouse finds out...or wakes up. I would like to look through the records of all these "sorry he couldn't make it" weddings. I bet there is some pretty funny stuff in there.

Oh yeah - all this came from the story of the first space wedding

Posted By scottigee

8:34 AM . . .

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Friday, August 08, 2003


More news from the Mainland:
One time when James was drunk his trousers was almost taken off by a couple of bar girls only just wanted to look how big james' dick is! In a primary school James went to toilet with 100 followers!
James was back in England at the end of July and would come back again in two years. He wants to bring 500,000RMB ($62,500) here next time to buy a car! He had only savings of 20,000RMB ($2,500) after one years work. he said to draw this savings from the back is worth coming back. And he had a 16-year old normal student girlfriend. He had shagged her more than 100 times from her virgin. Ian has 4 girl friends and he will stay here for one more year. He loves here. He said this is the best place he has ever been to.
I am sitting here reading this and I have this overwhelming feeling that I am Charlie Brown right after Lucy pulls the football away.

Posted By Hagan

6:19 AM . . .

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Thursday, August 07, 2003


Oh happy day. As of last night when some dude rang my doorbell to serve me with a summons I am now officially a defendant in my very first frivilous law suit. What did I do? I stopped at a red light. Since June of last year when I stopped at that traffic light in West Hollywood and was consequently sandwiched between someone asleep at the wheel in a carolla and a prissy bitch in a brand new civic coupe, I have joked around saying "Boy - that's the last I stop at one of those things!"
This is becoming less and less of a joke.
I can't help but lose faith in a legal system that encourages someone who has her bumper punched in to sue two guys who lost their cars and got banged up worse than she does by her stepfather when he's drunk. I need a lawyer, a baseball bat, and a ticket to Fiji. Now taking donations.
Posted By ScottiGee

10:16 AM . . .

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Tuesday, August 05, 2003


If I told you that some lady got shot in the stomach for her bingo winnings, and that this woman was Pam Anderson, would you believe me?
It's true. Sort of.

10:33 AM . . .

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Today a girl at work decided to come up and show me her new shoes...not exactly sure why, but that isn't the topic of this post. Anyway, I digress, her shoes were the normal black-heeled-sandal-strap type of thing (that's the scientific term), but with a slight difference, they were made by Nike Air and had the little air pockets on the bottom and all. At this point two thoughts crossed my mind:

1) Hey - those are cooler than other girl shoes.

2) Nike doesn't need to cancel there contract with Kobe...imagine an ad with him holding one of these shoes that appears broken/ripped off with a devilish grin on his face...sad to say, but chicks would buy them.

Luckily, since I hadn't been drinking, I didn't share the second thought with my co-workers...after all, thoughts like that are what The D is for.


9:55 AM . . .

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Message from Nanhai:
Hi, Patrick, how are you doing these months? Do you have good job and good pay? How fun it would be to drink with you again and to get drunk and have more fun when you are here again. We had two foreign teachers after you left, and they did something you didn't. They had hair cut and shagged the girl students!

-Best wishes, Tim
Is he rubbing that in my face? I don't know, but I didn't violate the student-teacher relationship, and I feel pretty good about that. If I'd realized that it was all well and good to just bang these girls and leave them looking at the chandelier, maybe I would have acted differently.

I wonder how many girls it was . . . how many at once?

Oh man, I think I need another semester abroad.

Posted By The Haganator An advanced sex robot sent back to Nanhai to change the lives of 50-100 sexy students forever

8:34 AM . . .

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Is this the day we've all been waiting for?
No, that would be the day the Olsen twins go topless in Brittish Elle.

Posted By scottigee

8:30 AM . . .

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Thanks for ridin' the